Budweiser Shootout at Daytona or OK Corral?

I had a surreal experience watching the Budweiser Shootout today. Maybe because my brain is starves from no NASCAR for so long and the vast amounts of rain and grey skies over the winter.
I kept hearing what the Driver’s were thinking. ESP? Maybe…

Matt Kenseth: This ain’t a very good day.
Carl Edwards:**screaming hysterically** WHOOOOOOOOAAAAAAA!!!!! I almost hit those guys. Man that was close. (too be continued…)

Matt Kenseth: This ain’t the best day of my life

Tony Stewart: Oh Boy!! This is going to be fun, I am going to give Denny some experience. Where is that perfect spot on the back of his bumper?
Denny Hamlin: Oh my gosh! I am in the LEAD! **looks in the mirror**…Uh oh! Tony is going to help me! BUMP. (This same BUMP happens approx. 101 times.)

Matt Kenseth: Oh great, something else can go wrong.

Carl Edwards: WHAT!! **more hysterical** WHAT?!! WHAT?? #$%%#$# NO!!! I am NOT GOING TO DO IT!!
Tiny voice in radio that Carl Edwards is not listening to:

Matt Kenseth: I am ok…count to 10…

Big Baby Busch: Muahhaha…
Tony Stewart: You little @#$%$.
Big Baby Busch: Muahhaha!
Ryan Newman: You little@#$%$
Big Baby Busch: MUAH-HAHA1
Mark Martin: Someone needs to teach that boy some manners.
Big Baby Busch: MUAHHAHA! HA!
Mark Martin: You little @#$$%^$!!
Big Baby Busch: MuAH-HAHA! Who’s next?
Dale Jr. : Don’t even think about it, you little Turd.
Big Baby Busch: Vrrrrooooom….
Dale Jr.: You little #$^$$. That’s it. Somebody needs to teach you some manners. VROOOOOMMMMM!

Carl Edwards: WHAT!! THAT’S NOT RIGHT!! HOW IGNORANT CAN THEY BE? NO! I AM NOT COMING IN!! **tears of rage now blurring his eyes…body shaking with extreme shock of it all**…decides to come in, all the while protesting…

Matt Kenseth: I am still in…

Tony Stewart: WOOHOO!! GO DENNY!!
Denny Hamlin: **waving wildly** Tony, you’re scarin me!!
Tony: VRROOOM!!!
Denny: WHOA!!!**screaming bloody murder** YIKES!!
Carl Edwards: $#&*#!! !#$&*!!
Dale JR.: Outta my way!!
Tony Stewart: NOPE!
Dale JR: YES!!
Tony: NOPE .
Denny : YIKES!! I won! I really won!! Wow!! I won!! I really Won!!
Congratulations!! That was a heck of a race. There is a reason Joe Gibbs hired Denny Hamlin.
Bump Draft anyone?



  1. LOL!!! Perfect Clance’!!! I was listening to Carl’s radio on Trackpass because he can be so funny, so I heard him saying all that before they did it on TV. I was cracking up, but he’s white teeth weren’t smiling then. Poor Carl, he got some bad calls there.

    And Matty, what is up with your cars man? Are you sure Kurt isn’t sneaking arond the garage doing something to them with his alien abilities? And his brother had the field covered. Who did he not hit?

    Good job Tony teaching Denny the ropes!

  2. I hate restrictor plate races!!! Sunday afternoon showed exactly why!! Tony was right about everything that he said when he got out of the car…Scared me just watching it!!!

  3. Great post!

  4. This is too much laughing at 6 a.m. Nice to see you posted. I missed you Clance.

  5. Hilarious post! Thanks, I needed a laugh like that this morning!! 🙂

  6. I see Tony’s pretty pissed about the “Slam Drafting”. They’d better come down on those guys before it’s too late.

  7. RYC: I think Chad Knaus is a genius. He is actually one of my favorite crew chiefs too, but I don’t like his driver.
    He just got busted doing his “creative engineering” again.

  8. Clance, this has to be the best, most accurate, and by far most unique race review I have ever seen!

  9. This is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time!!

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