NASCAR Daze in Durkee, Oregon

I woke up this morning at 5:30 AM, hot flash roaring like an internal inferno. AAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGG! Growling, I threw the covers off me, and a cat flew across the room. “Great.”  “Sorry Kitty” I said. She glared at me, and trotted off to another room, her tail flipping angrily side to side. I laid there wondering why I was on the couch. I looked around for Dale and wondered where the heck I was even at. The surroundings looked familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Then wondered if I was dreaming. “Yeah, that’s it, I am really still asleep.” I closed my eyes in my dream to go back to sleep…Five or so minutes later: Hot Flash again. Covers off again. Sweat….Rip off my Tony jammies…again saying… AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGG! With a heavy sigh I opened my eyes. 5:40 AM says the clock. I am still in the familiar, yet, not familiar room, on a couch that is not mine, with a very angry cat coming down the hall glaring at me. Then I realize, it’s not even our/ my cat. Our cat is 18 years old. Yellow. Sleeps a lot. He is a he. He moves very slowly. He came to us declawed. This cat is a pretty calico which means it is a she, and she is not happy and can move quite quickly. She has claws. MEEEEOOOWWWWW! She charges me. I jerk my feet up just as she pounces. She looks at me and jumps again, wrapping her legs around my arm, digs in with her front claws, is kicking with her back claws and bites my hand. My confusion clears as my skin is pierced and blood runs down my arm and hand, trying to protect my naked breasts from the beasts attack. Whoa Kitty…Nice Kitty. She purrs and curls back up where she was sleeping, before I threw her off at 5:30. Purr…purrrrr.Purr… purrrr. Kitty looks at me sweetly and goes back to sleep in her sleeping spot.Durkee OR  I look around. I remember where I am and where Dale is.I wasn’t dreaming. This is real. Why am I so confused? Did I have a stroke? Some kind of mental breakdown? I try to stand up.I am dizzy and my head is pounding. Whoa. I sit back down and stay clear of the cat. Now I am freezing. I put my Tony jammies back on, along with a fleece jacket that is lying on the floor, next to the couch. My titanium ankle/leg is killing me. My throat is killing me. My chest feels like a roll of 200 MPH duct tape has been tightly wrapped around me. My back seizes up as I move. I am in OR and Dale went back to ID to pay bills and grab a load of stuff from the garage to prepare for the big move to The Ranch. I didn’t go because it has been snowing for days, and we were afraid of leaving our 5th wheel to the elemental powers that Be. The roof can only take so much weight and snow is heavy. I did not want to take this cruddy Durkee virus home to the grand-babies.burntlocator.gif We are watching a freind’s home and kitty while she is out of town. We moved our 5th wheel here to her land, but we have been sleeping in her home, as it is warmer and there is no need to double the power bill, or go through a ton of propane to keep our 5th wheel warm. I have the heat in the 5th wheel on low. It keeps the snow from freezing and allows for easier knock off. I slipped yesterday, when I was walking out to the 5th wheel. In a massive effort to not twist my broken leg, I twisted my back and I went down to the ground. My Dad used to call me Grace for a reason. All my life…Grace follows me wherever I go. A ballerina of clumsiness, I am. Be careful you say? Whatever. That takes too long. I am outside, on my hands and knees, mentally feeling my ankle/leg to see if it’s OK. It is. I am grateful that I took the time to put gloves on. Because I still have a few limitations with the foot/ankle/leg, I cannot get up from this position without something to grab onto. I am going to get to crawl through the snow to the 5th wheel. Great. I really hope no one drives by and sees me. This is a town of 60 people. We are “outsider’s”. gossip-1.jpg If you have ever lived in a small town. you know how what I am talking about. Everyone knows everything about everyone else, and what they don’t know they just make up.Fer-inst-dunce:My daughter accidentally transposed a number dialing us, and called the lady at the store. She said Dale’s son was in Boise and was trying to get a hold of Dale, thinking she was talking to our friend whose home we are watching. The next thing we know the other neighbor lady (who is very nice) is at the door in her pajamas, saying “Dale! You need to call Kimi. Your son is in jail.”You get the jist.
This is a really small town… vicious in it’s winter boredom and  creativity for gossip. I don’t need anyone to see me crawling in the snow. I hear a car. I drop flat and pray that my snow path I have created, is hiding my maroon “call attention to me” snow-pants. I think to myself; “Whew! That was close”.
I begin my trek towards the 5th wheel. I grab onto the step and start to try to pull myself up. Suddenly I hear a voice say:  “Are you o.k. Clance?” Ohhh… no. My Dear God in Heaven! It’s the lady from down the road. Where did she come from?I am doomed to be the laughing stock of Durkee, OR.,  forever…and ever…Amen.“I am fine. How are you today?” said I, “The crazy NASCAR miner lady from the Canyon that broke her ankle leg trying to pretend she was in the Dakar Rally…” burnt-river-canyon-view.jpg

“She was drunk and hit the side of a building you know.”

” Now they are moving here.”

” To the Big Ranch in the Canyon.”

” Just how did they get that place anyway? “

” I saw you fall as I was walking and I wanted to make sure you weren’t drunk.”

“It’s cold and if you passed out you would die out here.”

” By the way, I heard your moving to The Burnt River Ranch.” The Ranch

” I didn’t know it was for sale. It’s one of the oldest places around, you know.”

Yeah, I know. It is the biggest too. 1750 acres of rattlesnakes, all looking for someplace to go when it is 115 degrees outside this summer. My big… green… cool… shady… yard.

” Are you mining it?”


” Are you buying it?” she asks again, prying for answers.

Uh…no… “We are care-taking it for the owner.”

“How much do you have to pay? How do you know them? When are you moving?” ” Where is “G” (our freind who’s home and cat we are watching) anyway?”  “What is she doing that is keeping her gone so long?”

I feel battered by the assault of questions… on  defense. On the ground, near the 5th wheel, near de’ – fence.

I think to myself: “None of your friggin’ business.”

I smile and say: “Could you give me a hand?” “Would you like to come in and have a latte? I also have french pressed, fresh ground, french roast Starbuck beans?”

She looks confused, takes my hand to assist me in standing, smiles and says:” No, thanks.”

“I am on my way to the Post Office.” ” I better get going…Just wanted to make sure you were ok.”

 She trots right off. Back to the car I hoped didn’t see me.

“Buh- Bye!” I say, fake smile pasted on my face. “Thanks!” ” See ya!!”

bs.jpg Then I panic. I go into the house. Take a pain pill, a muscle relaxer and some cold medicine.

Fell asleep waiting for American Idol to come on.

Wake up at 5:30 in a state of confusion and remember:

I am the flame that fuels the fire.

durkee-grave.jpg I am the fresh fodder to be stepped in.

B.S. is slippery stuff. bs-2.jpg Oh, well.

It will give me beautiful fodder to endlessly write about.

I have a feeling I shall never have writer’s block again…



  1. Hi Clance. This is great stuff. Do you write short stories? I’m serious. Let me know.

  2. Yay! The Feedblitz feed works. Nice layout.
    I love small towns, just for the great adventure.
    I lived for eleven years in the desert town of Socorro NM, and I know exactly what you are talking about.

  3. Good Lord girl. I’m speechless. Does EVERYTHING that can happen, happen to you?

  4. Hi Clance. Are you going to post before Las Vegas?

  5. And you want me to come visit… ummm..Even though I’m an outsider, the trick in Oregon is that I was born there. So they then feel sorry for me that I was whisked away to live somewhere else. Oregonites don’t like visitors. Don’t ask me why, I didn’t grow up there.

    REMINDER: It’s Matt’s birthday!!! Where’s the scope? And Newman told you not to be late on his anymore. Hop to it one leg!

    *ducks as I know you still have 2 good throwing arms*

  6. Hi clance, maybe this page colud be interesting for you

    hope u like it

Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s